is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He shit in the fireplace
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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