i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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