I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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