Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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