you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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