Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
