So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
