i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize