i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
