I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
