happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
