The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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