if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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