have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
