I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
