dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
