I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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