May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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