i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
