Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
