I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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