she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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