I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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