You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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