This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
