My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
