she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
do herpes really smell.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
