I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
