I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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