I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
