Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how drunk are you?
Several
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
