Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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