when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Please don't give away my fajitas
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
