If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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