We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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