This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
