when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize