I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
