I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
