You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
