Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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