I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
