My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
