Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
