Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
