youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
