i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
