i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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