we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
