I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
