From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
