Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
