Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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