can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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