my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
