wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
