Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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