I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
