I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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