i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize