I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
