when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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