This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
