you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
