Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
