so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
