is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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