Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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