a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
