Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
